I mentioned this object much earlier, and I think it's finally time to write about it. This is my magicascope, which I used to scan a cookie in a previous article, and this week I shall explain to you its origin, its purpose, and how it works.

I'm going to be honest here, this isn't an ancient artifact. I got it from Lidl in the sorcery aisle. However, I feel that it is worth talking about the invention of these wonderous devices. The basic technology was invented by the Inca, about twenty years before they were conquered by the Spanish. The earliest magicascopes were stone rings with heavily enchanted obsidian in the middle; by the glowing of the obsidian, the wielder could make a rough guess as to the strength of an item's aura.

After the Spanish conquered the Inca, they stole all of the magicascopes. Seriously, they took every single one; you can't say they weren't dedicated. The Spanish Inquisition (in their nice red uniforms) decided that the devices were witchcraft, and promptly used them to scan and convict hundreds of witches. Of course, as all true witches just flew away from the inquisition, it can be assumed that they were godawful at using the 'scopes.

You've probably noticed that the Inca device I described looks absolutely nothing like the photograph. This is because European alchemists began refining the device the make their experiments more accurate. As a result, I believe quite a few alchemists discovered the secret of the Philosopher's Stone. However, like many others, I subscribe to the theory that discovering the secret of the stone caused them to be retconned out of existence, making the entire field of alchemy look like a joke.

The purpose of a magicascope is to measure the aura of whatever object it is pointed at. The glass will turn a certain shade, at which point thaumological litmus paper is applied and compared to a scale. The average value of a non-magical object is forty two thaums. Higher values indicate a strong magical presence, while lower values indicate corrupted objects. A value of zero means that an object has absolutely no aura (a.k.a. soul), like a squid.

I should probably add that magnets mess these things up completely. I have no idea how that works.

This is a pair of Chrono-Duality Spectro Goggles. They are an essential tool for ghost hunters, time travellers, and 3D moviegoers, due to their ghost detecting properties, ability to see through time, and red and cyan lenses, respectively.
I aquired this pair from a time traveller that tried to kill me yesterday. Something about an evil overlord, probably not important. After checking that the plasma burns did not damage the goggles, I immediately began testing their abilities. My magicascope showed they had no aura, and due their exceptional property of being from the future, I assume they work using super nano technology.
When I tried them on, the first thing I noticed was the starving young girl I could now see in front of me. Apparently, she had been sealed below the floor of my house as a sacrifice to the railway gods, with the intention of making the trains run on time. We conversed a bit, but unfortunately I learned nothing of note. Probably due to all her hideous wailing.
Next, I tested the goggles' dual-chronological nature. I peered back one hundred and thirty years to when the unfortunate girl met her fate. People wore funny hats back then. As much as I would have liked to look back to when dinosaurs walked the Earth, at that length of time in difference I would have had to take into account continental drift, and that would just have been annoying. I mean seriously. Why can't countries just stay in the same place?
Finally, I tested their ability to watch a movie in 3D. I managed to find a good movie with Anaglyph 3D edited in (no easy task). Unfortunately, the two lenses were not in temporal sync. I will never watch Reservoir Dogs the same way again.