This artifact is typically known as the Puzzle Cube of Yrath'loria; it is an ancient device said to have the power to end the universe. But Séamas, I hear you ask, if it's so ancient and powerful then why is it made of cheap plastic? More likely, you called me a ****ing  noob who was wasting your oh so valuable time and left immediately, but I don't need to address you, because you're gone now. I can even insult you. You unlikable person.

Anyway, back to the sophisticated, charming, and sagacious people who chose to continue reading. The answer is that the Puzzle Cube was made in the future and travels backwards in time, like Merlin in that TV show. I think it was a TV show, anyway. I should probably look it up, but stress.

As the cube is supposed to destroy the universe, there is much debate as to how it was (will be?) created. A popular theory is simply that it never does so, and some amazing future technology is responsible for its temporal dislocation. The competing theory states that the cube was actually created by the end of the universe, the force of which launched in backwards in time. Both of these theories state that the cube broke while in ancient Eygpt, but a variation of the second theory believes the cube went beyond the beginning of the universe to end up at the end again. In case anyone is confused, here's a diagram.





Damn, JPEGs are amazing. They really compliment my artistic talent.

Anyway, now that you know about the cube's temporal prowess, you can forget about it for the rest of this article. The first recorded instance of the cube in history was in ancient Egypt, hence why some believe it broke there. One day Egyptians were sitting around Egyptianing when this cube just showed up out of nowhere. Because they had absolutely no idea where the hell this cube was made of, they took it to their local priest. The priest gave it to his superiors, who passed it to their superiors, until it ended up in the hands of Ramses II, also known as Ramses the Great.

When Ramses received the cube, he washed in in dragon oil and tapped it with a dinosaur toenail clipping based rock. Nobody knows what he dreamt of that night, but whatever it was, it was no doubt important. Ramses went on to win several wars, gaining territory for Egypt and driving the molepeople out of the region forever. However, what not many people know is that to ensure the cube was brought to its ultimate destination, Ramses founded a secret society - the golf caddies.
Those of you well versed in sports history might currently be scratching your heads, as you know golf was invented in England in 628 C.E. when someone decided life was too exciting. Originally, the caddies worked in a similar Egyptian sport by the name of dolf. It was basically like golf, except it was all bunkers. Since the caddies were founded, the cube has only appeared in history where they wished it to, and it is only by their grace that it currently sits on my desk. I would like to thank this moment to thank them for their generousity and pray that I am not to be classed as a loose end in times to come.
The caddies have a very good reason for all their secrecy. If the cube is ever assembled on a full moon, then its universe destroying potential will be unleashed. Currently, it's a little more than a week until full moon, so all I have to do is remember to take it apart before then, and everything should be fine.
Given my memory, I'd say we're doomed.