Friday 23 November 2012

This drink here is the Elixir of the Dawn Sky. Disgusting as it looks, it supposedly grants the drinker the luck of a thousand leprechauns, spectacular charisma, and their heart's greatest desire. Also, you can fly. Because sky and all that.
All known draughts of the Elixir were brewed in ancient Tajikistan some 3000 years ago by the Great Wise Masters of the Hypercube. It is generally accepted that the luck in the Elixir comes from the vast quantities of leprechaun blood used to make it. The Wise Masters obtained this blood via trading with the molepeople, which forever scarred them as traitors in humanity's eyes. When they stole a really nice looking dawn in order to complete the drink, the rest of humanity got so pissed off they stormed up the mountain to where the Masters were camped and killed every last one they found.
One Master managed to escape with a keg of the Elixir, however it had not been brewed long enough, and its powers were weaker than the desired result. They had intended to use the Elixir to make themselves gods, ruling over humanity and maybe finding out what hypercubes actually were, but the batch produced only had the properties I stated at the start. This was obviously a huge letdown to the Master with the who escaped oh who am I kidding he spent the rest of his life flying.
Since the Master left the keg in a cave in his cult's mountain, rumours of its history have been wild. Some say it was found by Julius Caesar, some by Genghis Khan. I, for one, have never heard of any of them flying. I personally believe some unknown merchant found it on their travels and brought it home. I'd guess no one actually had a shot of it, except maybe some carpenter's kid.
Since this was exceedingly hard to track throughout history, I could well be the third person in history to taste this drink. To greatness!

PUBLISHER'S NOTE: The author is currently in hospital, though regular service should resume next week. Apparently drinking 3000 year old elixirs is bad for you. Who knew?

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